It’s safe to say that 2020 has been quite a difficult year. I can’t even begin to describe how different I am today. Started 2020, with a heart full of joy, hopes, and goals. Accomplish a lot along the way, and I’m proud of where it lead me. But I also learned a lot… especially about myself, my motivations and my true desires.
Everything that follows will be a bit rambly but I hope it would shed a light on your own life while you read it. I hope that something from this can help you in some way…
This year, what I was mostly faced with, is death, ironically none was Covid related… A lot of my family members died from either old age or cancers. On top of that, seeing all the pain and suffering that was happening in the world. It completely shifted my opinions and vision of life.
I sat down and put my whole life into introspection. Who was I becoming? Like I said before, I changed… to a point where I don’t even recognize myself.
The thing that I moved the most away from and that saddens me the most is my connection to God. In the last few years, I slowly went further and further from God by making small daily decisions that I knew deep down were wrong for me. I feel like, for the sake of society, I was giving away pieces of my soul daily just to feel like I belonged. And now that I was forced to be in lockdown for many month and to put distance between me and everyone else I started to realize the sacrifices I was making.
By realizing this I made a few changes in my life that really made all the difference and I wish to share them with you! Some are simple thoughts I’m verbalizing and some are goals that I will try to reach in the future.
- Have faith and trust that God has your back. He is always listening to you and if he doesn’t answer your call right away, it’s because he has something better planned for you, as he is the best of planners. It is not to say that your wishes won’t be granted sometime in the future, it just means it’s not that time yet.
- Cut away from your life anyone that is toxic to you… One of the hardest thing to do and even to admit… People you have been friends with years or even family members that involuntarily are bad for you. I’m personally to a point where I know who they are and just need the strength to say goodbye. And as heartbroken I am to do this and leave people behind, I know it’s necessary…
- Let the past stay in the past and keep on moving forward. Carrying all this weight with you constantly is tiring and slows you down. Things happened in my past that left me very bitter and I was never really able to leave it in the past as I cry every time I think about it, so I thought the solution was to just never think about it. In reality, what should’ve happened a long time ago is understanding that people make mistakes. They are not perfect and you should forgive them for their actions especially if they are making amends for it. I became extremely protective of myself, from fear to be hurt again, but it’s really not healthy.
- Expect a lot from other people… I used to not care about what other people did for me or didn’t do and I thought expecting things from other would lead to disappointment but the truth is, if we turn the table, I would give the moon to anyone and everyone. I give my 100% to each person that I interact with and I should receive the same! Granted, I will lose a lot of battles because not everyone is kind but at this point it’s not about them, it’s about me. And if they care they will give your energy back. Even if it’s 1 person, that’s all you need in your life to be happy!
This is so much longer than my usual posts but I hope you got to the end of it! I had a lot to say and could say even more…
2020 was rough but also a blessing in disguise. I would probably not have come to these conclusions if it wasn’t for the quarantine, the distance and real time I invested in myself. This pandemic really forced us to calm down and breath. I do these self-reflection yearly around new years and I would always come to a similar conclusion because in reality I was too busy to really think my life and who I was becoming. We are so busy with life, and reaching goals to prove ourselves to others, we slap a face mask on and do yoga and we think we figured everything out, but that’s not the case…
Let me know in the comments below what kind of change you want to achieve in 2021. Or things you learned this year! I love reading these kind thought and the evolution that happens within us!
Until next time,
Sofyah,
There is nothing more beautiful than when you prove to yourself just how strong you are.
